I Feel at Home
“I feel at Home”: Building a sense of Belonging and Responsibility
Introduction
I have entitled this reflection, “I feel at Home”, for personal reasons. I will not need to explain that because it will slowly dawn unto you why I chose it as we go on with the reflection. I feel that talking to Cottolengo followers about feeling at home is like talking about my own nose. I do not see it unless by use of a mirror, and obviously the best mirror is my brother/sister. Regardless of how much I try to do it, he/she will see better than I do. Anyway, I will attempt to make you believe that I know the shape of my nose.
In this reflection, we will be guided by Matthew 24:45-51, it is about preparedness. Let us read it.
A quick look at this passage shows that Jesus is particularly interested in [i] self-awareness—which I will call the concern for one’s well being now and in the life to come; [ii] sense of responsibility—in other words, the consequent maturity when one is aware of his dignity and duty; [iii] faithfulness—for us this fidelity to our own promises, to the Word of God, and to our relationships.
We will focus on the second one, sense of responsibility. While doing so, we will look at the other two because all these are entwined.
In the light of this word, we ask ourselves. How can I tell that I am responsible? This question requires the knowledge of the qualities of a responsible person. Here are some of them:
1. A responsible person is accountable. The very nature of a person is that he is a responder. A person is called to explain his/her actions because he/she is expected to act in accordance with reason. Perhaps you yelled at your fellow sister/worker because you were tired at the end of a long day. Maybe you snapped at your sister who was talking your ear off about things you really weren't interested in. Maybe you honked your horn and gave an obscene gesture to an erratic driver who cut you off. Even if the other person was out of line, you are responsible for yourself. Whatever you do, you are responsible for your actions. If your sister is unkind, your partner unreasonable, your coworker unbearable, you are always responsible for how you respond. Your behavior is under your control. This same reading is reported in Mt. 25:14-30. The master talks to each servant. To the last he says: “You wicked, lazy servant! So you know that I harvest where I have not planted…? Should you not have put my money in bank…?”
Every action, regardless the cause, calls for a response. You are a responder, be aware of that. If you are conscious of yourself as an answerable person, then whatever you do will be really sensible, reasonable and explainable. You will be, to use Lonergan terms, attentive. So, rule number one—be attentive, watchful, careful.
2. A responsible person is intelligent. I have used the term intelligent instead of merely saying prudent. The word says “faithful and prudent servant”. An intelligent person believes in himself and in his own choice of action. He does not spent his/her time blaming. It is easy to point the finger. In fact, you can build a case against anyone. But blaming others doesn't help you become a responsible person. When you stop pointing the finger, you have control over yourself. Just because the other person is a jerk, don't be one yourself.
Prudence, in fact, is forethought. A prudent person thinks, tries to see the connection between his/her actions and what they are required to do. If he does not know the hour when the master will come, he will always be prepared for his coming. An intelligent person will obviously see the reason why preparedness is paramount. So rule number two: be intelligent, thoughtful, reflective!
3. A responsible person is reasonable. Acknowledge whatever happens. When you acknowledge, "Yes, I forgot to call when I said I would," you eliminate the need to make up silly excuses. That is reasonable. It is common sense. "I messed up," is the responsible three-word sentence, and when followed with, "How can I make it up to you?" it makes people willing to forgive. Your integrity earns respect.
Accentuate the positive. Move through your day with positive attitude. Have you ever noticed that people who don't take responsibility for their own behavior are negative and cynical? The folks who blame others seem to have the worse luck. Anything that goes wrong is always that other person's fault. No wonder they don't achieve much happiness. They're perpetual victims. When you take responsibility for having the life you want, you switch your focus from what went wrong to what went right. A small shift in focus turns a loser into a winner. So rule number three, be reasonable, sensible, logical, rational. Refuse to contradict yourself by acknowledging the wrong and standing ready to do good. Reason beats fear. Out of fear you fail to do good—remember the wicked servant, he hid the treasure in the soil.
4. A responsible person is loving. The wicked person is not just unkind, he goes about beating his fellow servants, eats and drinks with drunkards etc. Obviously, his actions reveal that he has no love for his fellow workers and for his master. He has no love for God also.
[a] To love yourself, See yourself clearly. Charity begins at home. Taking responsibility means acknowledging both your weaknesses and strengths. It means acknowledging all that is wonderful about you. When you take responsibility you know your talents and put them to use. You know when you've done a good job. You appreciate your efforts. You are kind to yourself. A responsible person does not dismiss their own achievements. They know their good and positive qualities. They have a complete picture of who they are. A responsible person continues to grow emotionally.
[b]Say "thank you." For us it is Deo Gratias! Accept praise graciously. When someone acknowledges you, say, "thank you." When someone is kind or gives you a gift, the responsible response is a sincere "thank you."
[c] Appreciate others just the way they are. That is love. Do not try to change anything about a person. Growth comes from within. Provide a favorable environment. For example, allocate each community member duties. Then do not worry. Let each person work where he/she should work. It is not necessary to “follow a person”. Psalm 131 says “like a weaned child on its mother’s lap, so is my soul within me”. Have you ever experienced that? Too much worry is the proof that you do not trust in God.
[d] Practice healthy self-focus. Thinking too much about our own problems, worrying endlessly about the future, regretting the past, feeling sorry for ourselves can lead to indulgent self-pity. It's exhausting. However, taking time to really know what makes you tick, in a gentle, reflective way is the beginning of self-love and personal responsibility. When you get acquainted with your hurts, your limitations, your gifts and talents, you grow into the best person that you can be. Then you are alive and living your best life.
[e] Be reliable and dependable; when you agree to do something, do it. Take care of your own business. Don't make others do what you are supposed to do. Take responsibility for your actions; don't make excuses or blame others. Use your head; think before you act; imagine the consequences. The word is saying: you will be punished, in a place of wailing and grinding of teeth.
5. A Responsible person has a strong sense of belonging. Without this, everything you attempt to do feel like being commanded. You do not feel the obligation as part of your being, it feel that you are forced. When you are out to meet the poor, as you prepare go back to the community, do you tell them, “I am going home?”
When you wake up in the morning, what plans for the betterment of the community do you have? Look forward to doing something that will make you feel good about the place you live. You need to motivate yourself and motivate others. Note that I am not telling you to wait for motivation from others. Before going to bed, see what good you have done for the day and say to yourself, I have done a good job. I do not regret having come to this place. In fact, God wants you here. Nothing can beat the feeling of pride for what our community is achieving through me and my fellow community members. But when you start saying to yourself and to others, the other communities are doing better. We are doing nothing. Then for sure you are killing the sense of belonging and by so doing killing the sense of responsibility.
Conclusion: I feel at Home
As a conclusion to this reflection, I wish to give you a few questions to let you see why if you do not feel at home you will live irresponsibly. [a] How do you understand/feel about the kind of duties that are allocated to you? [b] What is your reaction when any member of the community fails in his/her duties? Are you excited and happy or do you feel bad about it? [c] Are you eager to find out the mistakes of others in order to report them or to make them feel small? [d] Do you encourage others to love their vocation or do you tend to push them to feel “out of place” and their behave as such? [e] Do you make efforts to do your best wherever you are and to let others do their best?
These and other questions can help you begin to feel at home. Yes, you need to feel at home, to have a sense of belonging for you to be able to act and live, feel and talk responsibly.
Our founder has this to tell us: “Be calm and fear not, we are all children of a good Father who thinks of us more than we think of Him.” We have an example in Cottolengo and in many other religious men and women who preceded us in this noble history: their deep love of Cottolengo charism has enabled them to hand it over to us. Let’s take it to be our duty. I feel at home in Cottolengo, do you?
Introduction
I have entitled this reflection, “I feel at Home”, for personal reasons. I will not need to explain that because it will slowly dawn unto you why I chose it as we go on with the reflection. I feel that talking to Cottolengo followers about feeling at home is like talking about my own nose. I do not see it unless by use of a mirror, and obviously the best mirror is my brother/sister. Regardless of how much I try to do it, he/she will see better than I do. Anyway, I will attempt to make you believe that I know the shape of my nose.
In this reflection, we will be guided by Matthew 24:45-51, it is about preparedness. Let us read it.
A quick look at this passage shows that Jesus is particularly interested in [i] self-awareness—which I will call the concern for one’s well being now and in the life to come; [ii] sense of responsibility—in other words, the consequent maturity when one is aware of his dignity and duty; [iii] faithfulness—for us this fidelity to our own promises, to the Word of God, and to our relationships.
We will focus on the second one, sense of responsibility. While doing so, we will look at the other two because all these are entwined.
In the light of this word, we ask ourselves. How can I tell that I am responsible? This question requires the knowledge of the qualities of a responsible person. Here are some of them:
1. A responsible person is accountable. The very nature of a person is that he is a responder. A person is called to explain his/her actions because he/she is expected to act in accordance with reason. Perhaps you yelled at your fellow sister/worker because you were tired at the end of a long day. Maybe you snapped at your sister who was talking your ear off about things you really weren't interested in. Maybe you honked your horn and gave an obscene gesture to an erratic driver who cut you off. Even if the other person was out of line, you are responsible for yourself. Whatever you do, you are responsible for your actions. If your sister is unkind, your partner unreasonable, your coworker unbearable, you are always responsible for how you respond. Your behavior is under your control. This same reading is reported in Mt. 25:14-30. The master talks to each servant. To the last he says: “You wicked, lazy servant! So you know that I harvest where I have not planted…? Should you not have put my money in bank…?”
Every action, regardless the cause, calls for a response. You are a responder, be aware of that. If you are conscious of yourself as an answerable person, then whatever you do will be really sensible, reasonable and explainable. You will be, to use Lonergan terms, attentive. So, rule number one—be attentive, watchful, careful.
2. A responsible person is intelligent. I have used the term intelligent instead of merely saying prudent. The word says “faithful and prudent servant”. An intelligent person believes in himself and in his own choice of action. He does not spent his/her time blaming. It is easy to point the finger. In fact, you can build a case against anyone. But blaming others doesn't help you become a responsible person. When you stop pointing the finger, you have control over yourself. Just because the other person is a jerk, don't be one yourself.
Prudence, in fact, is forethought. A prudent person thinks, tries to see the connection between his/her actions and what they are required to do. If he does not know the hour when the master will come, he will always be prepared for his coming. An intelligent person will obviously see the reason why preparedness is paramount. So rule number two: be intelligent, thoughtful, reflective!
3. A responsible person is reasonable. Acknowledge whatever happens. When you acknowledge, "Yes, I forgot to call when I said I would," you eliminate the need to make up silly excuses. That is reasonable. It is common sense. "I messed up," is the responsible three-word sentence, and when followed with, "How can I make it up to you?" it makes people willing to forgive. Your integrity earns respect.
Accentuate the positive. Move through your day with positive attitude. Have you ever noticed that people who don't take responsibility for their own behavior are negative and cynical? The folks who blame others seem to have the worse luck. Anything that goes wrong is always that other person's fault. No wonder they don't achieve much happiness. They're perpetual victims. When you take responsibility for having the life you want, you switch your focus from what went wrong to what went right. A small shift in focus turns a loser into a winner. So rule number three, be reasonable, sensible, logical, rational. Refuse to contradict yourself by acknowledging the wrong and standing ready to do good. Reason beats fear. Out of fear you fail to do good—remember the wicked servant, he hid the treasure in the soil.
4. A responsible person is loving. The wicked person is not just unkind, he goes about beating his fellow servants, eats and drinks with drunkards etc. Obviously, his actions reveal that he has no love for his fellow workers and for his master. He has no love for God also.
[a] To love yourself, See yourself clearly. Charity begins at home. Taking responsibility means acknowledging both your weaknesses and strengths. It means acknowledging all that is wonderful about you. When you take responsibility you know your talents and put them to use. You know when you've done a good job. You appreciate your efforts. You are kind to yourself. A responsible person does not dismiss their own achievements. They know their good and positive qualities. They have a complete picture of who they are. A responsible person continues to grow emotionally.
[b]Say "thank you." For us it is Deo Gratias! Accept praise graciously. When someone acknowledges you, say, "thank you." When someone is kind or gives you a gift, the responsible response is a sincere "thank you."
[c] Appreciate others just the way they are. That is love. Do not try to change anything about a person. Growth comes from within. Provide a favorable environment. For example, allocate each community member duties. Then do not worry. Let each person work where he/she should work. It is not necessary to “follow a person”. Psalm 131 says “like a weaned child on its mother’s lap, so is my soul within me”. Have you ever experienced that? Too much worry is the proof that you do not trust in God.
[d] Practice healthy self-focus. Thinking too much about our own problems, worrying endlessly about the future, regretting the past, feeling sorry for ourselves can lead to indulgent self-pity. It's exhausting. However, taking time to really know what makes you tick, in a gentle, reflective way is the beginning of self-love and personal responsibility. When you get acquainted with your hurts, your limitations, your gifts and talents, you grow into the best person that you can be. Then you are alive and living your best life.
[e] Be reliable and dependable; when you agree to do something, do it. Take care of your own business. Don't make others do what you are supposed to do. Take responsibility for your actions; don't make excuses or blame others. Use your head; think before you act; imagine the consequences. The word is saying: you will be punished, in a place of wailing and grinding of teeth.
5. A Responsible person has a strong sense of belonging. Without this, everything you attempt to do feel like being commanded. You do not feel the obligation as part of your being, it feel that you are forced. When you are out to meet the poor, as you prepare go back to the community, do you tell them, “I am going home?”
When you wake up in the morning, what plans for the betterment of the community do you have? Look forward to doing something that will make you feel good about the place you live. You need to motivate yourself and motivate others. Note that I am not telling you to wait for motivation from others. Before going to bed, see what good you have done for the day and say to yourself, I have done a good job. I do not regret having come to this place. In fact, God wants you here. Nothing can beat the feeling of pride for what our community is achieving through me and my fellow community members. But when you start saying to yourself and to others, the other communities are doing better. We are doing nothing. Then for sure you are killing the sense of belonging and by so doing killing the sense of responsibility.
Conclusion: I feel at Home
As a conclusion to this reflection, I wish to give you a few questions to let you see why if you do not feel at home you will live irresponsibly. [a] How do you understand/feel about the kind of duties that are allocated to you? [b] What is your reaction when any member of the community fails in his/her duties? Are you excited and happy or do you feel bad about it? [c] Are you eager to find out the mistakes of others in order to report them or to make them feel small? [d] Do you encourage others to love their vocation or do you tend to push them to feel “out of place” and their behave as such? [e] Do you make efforts to do your best wherever you are and to let others do their best?
These and other questions can help you begin to feel at home. Yes, you need to feel at home, to have a sense of belonging for you to be able to act and live, feel and talk responsibly.
Our founder has this to tell us: “Be calm and fear not, we are all children of a good Father who thinks of us more than we think of Him.” We have an example in Cottolengo and in many other religious men and women who preceded us in this noble history: their deep love of Cottolengo charism has enabled them to hand it over to us. Let’s take it to be our duty. I feel at home in Cottolengo, do you?
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